how to lose a client in 10 days

I can’t pretend that I haven’t sat on the couch watching How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days on a beautiful Sunday afternoon.
Sometimes, you just have to be reminded how ridiculously bad your dating/work life COULD be to really appreciate the good days.

We started to wonder what it would take to lose a client in 10 days. Not that we want to, of course. But how crazy do things really have to get before a loyal client says “uh…we don’t think we are going to renew the contract.” Here are a few examples. Don’t try this at home or work.

1. Never Meet Deadlines
Like, ever. And always come up with a ridiculous excuse.

2. Under-deliver
“Oh you wanted 5 logo options? Here are 2 and a half. But they are really awesome.”

3. Get clingy
“why don’t you have projects for us? Do you still like us??”

4. Insist on the original color palette
Because the first option is always the best.

5. Don’t take no for an answer
Everyone loves a pushy salesman with this as his life motto.

6. Use comic sans in the creative brief
Sets the bar really low

7. Make them pay for the coffee
Forget your wallet…in your pocket.

8. Talk really loud on the phone

9. Ask them how many agencies they’ve contracted with
Because that’s a question that will never have a good answer

10. Always call them the wrong name
“Hi Janet!” He says to Janice

11. Play phone tag for a scheduled meeting
Bonus points for a voicemail that says. “Hey! how are you? Just kidding leave a message!”

12. Bad-mouth other clients
Reassure them that you don’t talk about them to other clients

13. Ignore all critiques
Proof #4 and not a single change has been made

14. Write passive aggressive emails regularly
“First of all, Janet…”

15. Be a bad morning person
Complain during all conversations that happen before 11

16. Send them files from a competing client

17. Complain about them on your Facebook
Posted before or after your drunk selfies at happy hour?

18. Make OBIVOUS spelling errors

19. Keep proposing ridiculous double dates
“You and John should come to board game night at my parent’s!”

20. Leave your Kim Possible text tone on high during meetings
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